Chronolisme.Com

Time goes by, day by day, and I’m still trying hard to work towards the goal I’ve set on the first day. Nobody knew it, nobody saw it, the hard work I’ve put in it.

I tried hard to give you the best I could afford, to make you feel cared, needed, I never cared how difficult it will be on my side, as long as it is still possible, I’ll give it a try. In the end, I’m called a selfish guy.

I was told that I did not make decisions for her sake, but for mine. I was told that all i thought about was myself.

You said that I would not even spend a little bit of money for you, then may I ask you, I’m saving these money for who?

The effort I put in was true, others think I’m a fool, what about you?

(Intended only for the person who knows this is for you)

I’ve already told you many times, and I believe I don’t have to send you an expensive sms to repeat myself already.

Being indecisive will not solve your problem, you will only pile it up; In the end, you will still need to decide. Don’t say “I dun1 to think liau” or “I dunno la”, because being that way, you will never get your answer, and will never come up with a solution.

I strongly believe, that I’ve really been very tolerant and patient trying to help you with certain decisions, but we almost never come to a solution, unless I decide it and make it definite. You never wanted to decide anything, but it’s not always that I can help you decide, there are times where you have to decide this for yourself. I don’t want to make this wrong decision, and you become unhappy later and making me the culprit of your unhappiness when you didn’t want to decide it in the first place.

To help you decide, I’ve already made it really clear what I’m aiming at and can’t be changed, and also took the effort to come up with different ways this can be done, analyzed to you the pros and cons of every situation and why something cannot be done, but you remain undecided. And when you’re undecided, your temper turns bad, and it gets burst out to me. So what am I supposed to do? Get angry and argue with you? No, I’m not going to make this unhappy among us. I’ll keep quiet, I’ll swallow.

I did not force you on a certain decision, although I have my preferred options. I too, am only human, I’m biased to things that’re better for me, but I won’t make it get into your way. This is the most I can do for you.

Ok?

Btw, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.

Is it only me, or does every relationship really have this much of problems that I have to deal with? Can anybody answer me?

I really do not understand, why is it so hard to hold on to a relationship that I really treasure. No matter how hard I try, how much I sacrifice and how much I do, it is never enough, and forever, something will turn out wrong. Regardless of the effort I put in to grip it, hold on to it, it will still slip through my fingers. In order to keep, maintain and save this relationship, countless times I’ve done things I should not have done, say things that would hurt myself, and put myself so low that I’ve never before. I’m starting to lose myself, and turning into someone I am not.

I admit, that in all my previous relationships, the problem always comes from me, but this time, I’m not sure anymore. I don’t know if it’s my fault, or is it her fault, or we’re both not at fault. More and more problems are surfacing, more and more that I couldn’t handle. This is starting to affect my studies, really starting to hit, and it’s getting me really worried. I wanted to hold on to it, because I love her, but if it is going to continue to be so problematic throughout the process, it would really affect me in many ways, emotionally and academically. Should I continue to hold onto this relationship? Please tell me what I should do.

Sometimes I really wonder, how long more can I hold on to this relationship, can it really last through the test of time, if you ask me now, all I can say is I don’t know. I don’t even know if my thoughts now are actually half glass full or half glass empty.

I kept asking myself these days, all that I’ve been doing these days, am I actually trying to save this relationship, or deeply inside I am just dragging this relationship, and to be really honest, I couldn’t answer myself. It just seems like both. But the most possible answer I think is accurate would be that I’m trying to save this relationship but is indirectly dragging it.

Honestly, I really envy those who have the bravery to end a relationship because they know it’s not going to turn out well, because I for one will never be able to bring myself to do such a thing. I’m a person who couldn’t let go, until forced.

All I can do, is that I cannot do anything.

Yes, I’m currently temporarily separated with my gf, something she suggested.

Just like what we always see in the movies, she say it’s a mutual problem that she have been hiding and claims that she is almost unable to take it and love is turning into hate. She say she needs some time and space.

Yea, I’m all confused, afraid, terrified, ….(add in any words u think is suitable). But there no way I can not agree with it, you can say I feel forced. I really do not what to put my relationship in such a dangerous situation. It makes me really scared. She said many things trying to convince me to agree with her, even if I don’t really agree, in the end I still have to.

Apart from the Offer Letter, Laptop and Results that I’ve been waiting, I have something new to wait for again, an answer. Yes, we’re now apart already, and I’m waiting for her answer when she returns.

I really hope that everything will turn out to be positive, there’s nothing else I can really do except for hoping.

Everything will turn out to be alright, right?

Ah, after a very long holiday, college is finally starting next week. Talking about college, reminds me of my recently released 1st semester result. I got an extremely terrible 8/15 which I don’t deserve. I wasn’t the only one complaining and I know what I did for my group assignment (which cost 100% of the marks) and I’m so sure I would have gotten at least 11 for it. Many students went and complain, and in the end I found out that only the student who made changes to their assignment had their marks changed. How unfair!!!

Buying that Jay Chou World Tour Concert ticket made me totally broke! Now, I’m afraid of needing to drive out because I would have to pay petrol! I even have to think twice before ordering Milo Ice… =.=… This is really bad. I took out all my coins today and went to the bank to deposit them into my account so it might at least feed me for a few meals. (Also to clear up all my 1 cent coins before they’re useless!) All coins ended up in a total of RM86.60. Not bad, at least I don’t have to worry about eating outside for now.

Had a little argument about a serious topic with girlfriend last night. Ended peacefully, however there are so many things stuck up in my mind that I want to tell, but I won’t because I think it wouldn’t help except make the situation worse. Not everything in a relationship can be solved, sometimes, you have to learn to ignore…

(My site pageviews rose 3 folds since the posting of the last post. Swt… It turned out to be the most view content only behind my frontpage!)