Don’t kill my only wish. Please.
Browsing Posts in Emotional
I’m starting to question myself if what I’ve been trying to hold on, protect and pamper is really worth the effort anymore.
I’m starting to become lost, I don’t know where I’m heading to anymore. My mind is not as clear anymore. I’m losing mental support, losing what I need, losing motivation.
I’ve supported myself thinking that I can achieve the goal I’m aiming, believing that you believe in me. However, it’s all starting to come apart. Seeing what you see in me, gave me a blow in confidence greater than titanic’s hit on the ice berg. My determination is sinking, and I’m questioning.. What could be worse? I don’t want to think.. I don’t want to know..
I may not look like it, but I too want to be understood. It doesn’t have to be everybody, it doesn’t have to be all the time, but at least be, when I need it.
It seems like time has made me forgotten what it really feels like when it all began. When it finally starts coming back to me again, I realised it was much more wonderful than what I have been forcing myself to remember.
How could I forget something so important? Is it because of the time? I don’t know. It probably is. Or is it because I myself have been unknowingly trying to forget as well? And then trying to force myself to think or hold on to it in a different perspective so that it is easier for myself.
It feels so difficult, and there’s still so much more to go through. It’ll probably never end from now on, it would only become more difficult or easy. Thnx, for reminding me. I’ll work harder for the sake of those most important to me.
Because you’re all the reasons and excuses I’ll ever need.
Time goes by, day by day, and I’m still trying hard to work towards the goal I’ve set on the first day. Nobody knew it, nobody saw it, the hard work I’ve put in it.
I tried hard to give you the best I could afford, to make you feel cared, needed, I never cared how difficult it will be on my side, as long as it is still possible, I’ll give it a try. In the end, I’m called a selfish guy.
I was told that I did not make decisions for her sake, but for mine. I was told that all i thought about was myself.
You said that I would not even spend a little bit of money for you, then may I ask you, I’m saving these money for who?
The effort I put in was true, others think I’m a fool, what about you?
(Intended only for the person who knows this is for you)
I’ve already told you many times, and I believe I don’t have to send you an expensive sms to repeat myself already.
Being indecisive will not solve your problem, you will only pile it up; In the end, you will still need to decide. Don’t say “I dun1 to think liau” or “I dunno la”, because being that way, you will never get your answer, and will never come up with a solution.
I strongly believe, that I’ve really been very tolerant and patient trying to help you with certain decisions, but we almost never come to a solution, unless I decide it and make it definite. You never wanted to decide anything, but it’s not always that I can help you decide, there are times where you have to decide this for yourself. I don’t want to make this wrong decision, and you become unhappy later and making me the culprit of your unhappiness when you didn’t want to decide it in the first place.
To help you decide, I’ve already made it really clear what I’m aiming at and can’t be changed, and also took the effort to come up with different ways this can be done, analyzed to you the pros and cons of every situation and why something cannot be done, but you remain undecided. And when you’re undecided, your temper turns bad, and it gets burst out to me. So what am I supposed to do? Get angry and argue with you? No, I’m not going to make this unhappy among us. I’ll keep quiet, I’ll swallow.
I did not force you on a certain decision, although I have my preferred options. I too, am only human, I’m biased to things that’re better for me, but I won’t make it get into your way. This is the most I can do for you.
Ok?
Btw, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.
